do-overs do not exist

i've been wishing that i could get that glimpse of understanding.  when i meditate, i call it that fleeting moment of peace.  it flashes in and out so quickly, that if you blink you miss it.  when you do receive it, the wait is well worth it.

last night i think i received what i've been longing for.  basically i've been wanting to live my life in the plane of do-overs and reverse motions for the last two months.  shit has been hard.  and i am the first to admit, i run like a chicken with its head cut off when i feel threatened and scared. 

sidebar:  that fight or flight instinct is a bitch in high heels.  she's been kicking my ass for a minute.  i'm getting tired of getting beat up.  i've decided to fight back.

i know that life isn't easy.  i have a failed marriage that affects me to this day and other entanglements under my belt.  however the latest emotions i've been feeling have made me really think about wanting to do shit over and make it right.

for yall that don't know, i have a thing with wanting to say and do the right thing in love relationships.  it had less to do with buddha's eightfold path  and more to do with  self-preservation.  you can thank my ex-husband for that shit.  but i am learning it's about time i let go of this shit.  it's made me, my heart and my spirit so heavy.   

that's where my little sojourn with my therapist came in.  when you get to the point where you wish you could do everything over, then it's time to take yourself in for that mental health check-up.  i choose not to blame myself anymore.  i choose not to blame him anymore.  i choose not to be a martyr anymore.  i blame something else beyond the grasp of my hands and his hands. 

so as i picture in myself in my mind's eye....

sitting down... in padmasana...my mind travels to that place i've created...without shame...without criticism...without hurt...without anger.

i breathe in resolution...and i breathe out my truth...i simply be...and...

let...it...go.

Comments

[Nikki]

Like Badu said, "Let it go, let it go, let it go......"

[Angie]

Everybody wishes they could do things (many things) over in their lives. I'm not sure I see that as a sign of trouble. Nothing wrong with a little regret.

The key for me is to look for the lesson in the regret and take that with me as I move forward. In the end, the good things in our lives may not have come without a little bad, so be grateful for all of it and look forward to the future.

[aquababie]

nikki: thanks. i feel good with that sentiment.

angie: i guess i mean i was so focused on what could have been done...what should have been done...what i could have done to make it better. i was kinda fixated on that. i see nothing wrong with examing my past for faults. and i am looking forward to my future.

[Luke Cage]

Lots of those past experiences serve as dark prologues for the rest of our lives luv. They embed in us a newfound form of strength, wisdom and insight into tomorrow. One day, it'll all come together and you'll be a much stronger person at that time. For now, learn from each one, take your time and tomorrow will be a better day. Good luck to you!

[Chele]

No do-overs. If only. Anyway, this reminds me of what I wrote about today. Since there are no do-overs we have to figure out how to move on from this point and accept the past while not allowing it to control our present and future.

[Gladys]

I've had moments where I want to do things over or take back things I've said. However, I know that God allowed those experiences to happen so that I could LEARN something from them. Sometimes I still made the same mistake, but I learned something NEW each time. Look at it that way and you'll soon see something positive out of any negative situation that you may have endured. Hugs!